Joshua Campbell (tygerstyle) wrote,
Joshua Campbell

Too Weak Notice

I was off from work for two weeks with the intention of going HAM on selling products. Unfortunately, that plan took a turn due to my suspension from Amazon.

For those who don't know the story, I can summarize being that I purchased a product from a location without considering it's potential inauthenticity. As I sold through tons of this product, I found out that they were not authentic from a few Amazon customer complaints. At that point, I removed them but the deed was already done. Amazon suspended my account. I appealed to which they replied that my suspension was indefinite. I am in the middle of trying to get this account back, but as I described to a few friends, it's like waiting for that Dad that promises to come back home someday. So you wait around until eventually you realize that he may not come back ever. Not that I can relate to that, but I always have weird metaphors in my head. Anyway, it's definitely a hard lesson learned.

So instead of ham, I decided to go for turkey. I decided to utilize those two weeks to see if I could be productive at home, clean up, lessen the stresses in my life, and learn about myself. I'm unsure how that relates to turkey. Maybe you can say that I was in flight, but now I'm grounded and I keep trying to get back to soaring. I'm a flightless bird. Anyway...

It was my plan that within those two weeks, I would try to be productive in ways that I daydreamed about at work. Get started on that DDR Storm website. Start planning for those local events. Put all my items on eBay. Clean up my condo. Clean up my garage. Get that Youtube page going. Stream a little bit more on Twitch. Go to other people's events and show my support. These were just SOME of my plans. I had never taken a long period of time off for no reason other then going out of town for some kind of video gaming event. This would be just like being self-employed for two weeks.

Unfortunately, things didn't really go the way I imagined.

I learned that even if I did not have my full-time job, I would find other things to be stressed about. I would find times to be distracted on reading social media, watching Youtube, playing video games, etc. I would make more excuses to myself as to why I don't want to do something. I slept more (which was great actually, lol). All those times I daydreamed at work about the tons of things I could be doing if I didn't have a full-time job, I didn't exactly do those things as much as I thought.

Not much had really changed.

Sometimes, we get caught thinking that if X would change, then Y can happen. You really want Y to happen, but you can't do anything about X. This thinking isn't always good, because it can lead us to believe that whatever we want, it can't happen. It won't happen. It'll never happen if this X obstacle is in the way. And it's easy to think this when you do the same thing everyday such as a full-time job. You NEED that full-time job, so whatever you are daydreaming about, FORGET ABOUT IT.

But is there even any miniscule possibility where you can do X and Y? You might say you don't have the time, but is that absolutely true or you just don't want to make the time for it? Maybe it really isn't a high-enough priority? Of course, it's high-priority when you are doing something you don't want to do. But once you take that away, is it STILL high-priority?

Of course, this doesn't and won't apply to everything. But for things it did apply to in my life, it gave me a bit of peace. Now, I don't need to daydream anymore, because I know exactly how I was. I can still do those things that I daydreamed about. I just have a shorter timeframe of doing them. And if I had more time, I would probably spend it doing other things especially if it really isn't high-priority to me.

I learned a little bit about myself. And I'm doing okay now that I'm back at the full-time job.

For now.
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